Phantom Limbs

Isn't this sad? This used to be a quasi-heart shaped ivy topiary in a Guy Wolf pot. Guy Wolf, by the way is a very nice man, doing some very nice things with clay around the world to help indigenous peoples. That being said I had the opportunity to buy some pots from him which I treasure. Unfortunately I can't say I do the same for what I put in them. I thought it was going to storm one day (it's been threatening for a week) and closed the windows and doors. It probably reached 120 in here and the sun from the skylights took this plant out in an afternoon. It might look full and healthy in the photo, but it's not. It's brown and crispy.

It's still hotter than hell and a hurricane-turned-bad-storm is heading our way. Someone will probably find me dead and withered sprawled among my many boxes. I can't imagine having to close the doors and windows like I did on that ivy.

I've done four loads of laundry, all linens, have stripped two beds, packed a few more boxes, but I need to sit down every 10 minutes or I'll suffer heat stroke. I haven't slept in days. It's been incredibly loud outside at night (not going to miss that) and my temperature fluctuates between sweating and freezing, the former probably resulting in the latter. In my efforts to fall asleep, all I can see is boxes. It's like playing solitaire too long. You close your eyes and all you see are the eight of diamonds, or the 4 of clubs, or the queen of hearts.

I just ate a tomato and cucumber sandwich and now I can return to the box brigade or read the front page story of the Times on protecting prize pigs from the Swine flu. I like pigs....

Another load of laundry. Folded all the other loads of linens separating out what I'm taking and what I'm leaving. Bedding. I love bedding. And that reminds me of bed. Every morning I still wake up and think the other is there. The other is long gone, almost a year, but you can't convince my morning brain of that. I even think the dogs are in bed. This is how our imagination can work against us. 17 years is a long time. If I got in an accident today and my arm was ripped off, from all I've read, I would believe it was still attached tomorrow morning. Phantom limb. Phantom marriage. I think it takes a long time to come to terms with loss.