Hunger

I've been noticing lately that I seem to have an insatiable hunger. There may be a good reason for this. There are so many boxes impeding my path that I can't get to the refrigerator or stove. This is compounded by the fact that I haven't grocery shopped in over a month. The last two days I sustained myself on 13 oz. of macadamian nuts that a friend brought back from Orleans upon my request. The nuts are gone.

In an hour and a half I'm going to an annual pre-Labor Day party. Usually I wouldn't be interested in this because it's a large social gathering, but this year I'm grateful because I'm so hungry. The food is always spectacular and by this point in my life, these friends and their entourage are practically family.

Last night I had bad dreams. My mother used to say that I had the collie-wobbles, which in my mother's definition meant bad dreams brought on by something you ate. I revisited my menu and only came up with macademian nuts. I think that diet would have me dreaming the hula in Hawaii. Instead, I had a series of tortured dreams about the soon-to-be divorcee. In the first, my spouse is earning a degree in psychology (you have no idea how far a stretch this is) and has to write a thesis, which she does on the disintegration of our marriage. I ask if I can read it hoping it might illuminate things for me. She says no and I break down crying. In a rare moment of sympathy, she says she will share everything her mother has written to her about our relationship. That makes me cry more and I wake up. (Nothing Freudian there.)

I fall back to sleep. In the next dream, my spouse informs me that I have signed papers that ensure that I will provide her with health insurance for life. (I must be reading too much about single payer insurance). I, in an eloquent retort say, "Did not!" She says "o yes you did, remember that blue form you signed," at which point I'm getting a little crazy and say, Wait till my lawyer has her way with this! And I burst out crying again and wake myself up.

I was very tired and very hungry this morning. I wanted to say to my soon-to-be-divorced spouse, let's go out to breakfast like we always do on Sundays. I wanted to say, do you want me to make popovers? The photo at the top displays some of my culinary skills. I think they look enticing but there's little use for them at the moment.

I want to stop feeling hungry for everything.